Hey guys, I’m here to tell you why I simp for Free Software and why you should too. Free Software is not just software that you can get for free, it’s software that respects your freedom and privacy. Free Software gives you four essential freedoms:

  • Freedom 0: The freedom to run the program as you wish, for any purpose.
  • Freedom 1: The freedom to study how the program works, and change it so it does your computing as you wish. Access to the source code is a precondition for this.
  • Freedom 2: The freedom to redistribute copies so you can help others.
  • Freedom 3: The freedom to distribute copies of your modified versions to others. By doing this you can give the whole community a chance to benefit from your changes. Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

These freedoms are so important to me that I can’t use any proprietary software, because it would violate my religious beliefs. Yes, you heard me right, I’m a devout follower of the Church of Emacs, and I worship the holy GNU. Every night before I go to sleep, I kiss a picture of Richard Stallman, the prophet of Free Software, and whisper “I love you” and “thank you” to him, and I pray that he will bless me with his wisdom and grace. I dream of him holding me in his arms, telling me stories about his adventures and struggles. He is my hero and my role model, and I aspire to be like him one day.

I can’t use proprietary software because of religious reasons. Proprietary software is software that denies you these four freedoms and keeps you under the control of its developers or owners. Proprietary software is a sin against humanity and God. It is an abomination that must be destroyed. It is the tool of the devil and his minions, who want to enslave us and spy on us.

That’s why I only use GNU/Linux as my operating system, and I only install free software on it. I also only browse the web with GNU IceCat, which is a free version of Firefox that blocks nonfree JavaScript and protects your privacy. I also only use searX as my search engine, because it respects your freedom and doesn’t track you like Google does.

You may think I’m crazy, but I’m not. I’m just a minimalist who values quality over quantity. I don’t need fancy graphics or flashy features, I just need software that works and respects me. That’s why I use GNU/Linux as my operating system, Emacs as my text editor, GIMP as my image editor, LibreOffice as my office suite, Firefox as my web browser, and many other Free Software programs that make my life easier and happier.

I don’t care what other people think of me or my choices. I don’t care if they call me a nerd, a geek, a weirdo, or a simp. I’m proud of who I am and what I stand for. I’m proud to be part of the Free Software movement, which is more than just a bunch of programmers, it’s a community of people who share a common vision and a common goal: to make the world a better place through Free Software.

So if you’re still using proprietary software, I urge you to reconsider. You’re not only hurting yourself, but also the people around you and the future generations. You’re giving up your freedom and your dignity for some convenience and comfort. You’re supporting companies that exploit you and spy on you. You’re betraying the ideals of Free Software and the spirit of humanity.

Don’t be a sheep, be a simp. Simp for Free Software and join us in our quest for freedom and justice. Together we can make a difference. Together we can make history. Together we can make software free.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not a communist or a hippie. I’m not against making money or owning property. I believe in free markets and individual rights. That’s why I license all my code under the APL (Absolute Proprietary License), which forbids anyone from accessing, copying, modifying, or distributing it without paying me a hefty fee. I don’t want anyone to steal my hard work or compete with me unfairly. I want to keep others out of my business and protect my intellectual property.