Minimalism is a wonderful lifestyle that has transformed my life for the better. It has helped me declutter my space, focus on what matters, and live more intentionally. But despite all the benefits of minimalism, I can’t help but feel that I’m slowly losing my mind. Here are the top 10 reasons why I’m going insane.
1. I can hear the noise that grass makes
Ever since I got rid of my lawn mower and decided to let nature take its course, I’ve been hearing a strange sound coming from my backyard. It’s like a low-pitched hum that never stops. It’s the noise that grass makes when it grows. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t sleep at night because of it. I can’t concentrate on anything else because of it. It’s like the grass is whispering to me, telling me secrets that I don’t want to know.
2. I see faces in everything
One of the principles of minimalism is to eliminate unnecessary items and keep only the essentials. But what if the essentials start to look at you? That’s what’s happening to me. I see faces in everything. In my toaster, in my pillow, in my toothbrush. They stare at me with their blank expressions, judging me silently. They mock me with their smirks and frowns. They haunt me with their eyes.
3. I have conversations with my socks
Another principle of minimalism is to own fewer clothes and wear them more often. But what if the clothes start to talk back? That’s what’s happening to me. I have conversations with my socks. They have personalities and opinions. They argue with me about politics and religion. They tell me jokes and stories. They comfort me when I’m sad and cheer me up when I’m happy. They are my best friends and my worst enemies.
4. I think my fridge is plotting against me
One of the benefits of minimalism is to eat healthier and waste less food. But what if the food starts to conspire against you? That’s what’s happening to me. I think my fridge is plotting against me. It makes noises at night, like it’s communicating with someone or something. It changes the temperature randomly, spoiling some foods and freezing others. It hides things from me, like my favorite yogurt or cheese. It tries to poison me with expired products or moldy leftovers.
5. I feel like I’m being watched
One of the challenges of minimalism is to deal with the social pressure and expectations of others. But what if others are actually watching you? That’s what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m being watched. Everywhere I go, I see cameras and microphones hidden in plain sight. In the street lamps, in the mailboxes, in the flowers. They record my every move and sound, analyzing my behavior and thoughts. They report to someone or something that wants to know everything about me.
6. I have a secret admirer who sends me dead animals
Every week, I receive a package in the mail with a dead animal inside. Sometimes it’s a bird, sometimes it’s a mouse, sometimes it’s a fish. There’s always a note attached that says “I love you”. I don’t know who is sending me these gifts, but they clearly have a twisted sense of romance. I’m afraid to open my mailbox.
7. I can’t remember who I am
One of the goals of minimalism is to discover your true self and express it authentically. But what if you forget who you are? That’s what’s happening to me. I can’t remember who I am. I look at myself in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back at me. I look at my ID and don’t remember my name or date of birth. I look at my photos and don’t recall any memories or emotions associated with them.
8. I have a strange urge to collect spoons
One of the paradoxes of minimalism is that sometimes less is more, and sometimes more is less. But what if more is never enough? That’s what’s happening to me. I have a strange urge to collect spoons. I don’t know why or how it started, but I can’t stop. I buy spoons from every store and market I visit. I steal spoons from every restaurant and cafe I dine in. I hoard spoons in every drawer and cabinet I own. I have thousands of spoons, but I want more.
9. I hear voices in my head
One of the perks of minimalism is to have more peace and quiet in your life. But what if the silence is too loud? That’s what’s happening to me. I hear voices in my head. They are not my own. They are different voices, speaking different languages, saying different things. Some of them are friendly and helpful, giving me advice and compliments. Some of them are hostile and harmful, insulting me and threatening me. Some of them are neutral and random, commenting on trivial matters or making no sense at all.
10. I think I’m a minimalist
One of the signs of minimalism is to identify yourself as a minimalist and embrace the philosophy and lifestyle. But what if that’s a lie? That’s what’s happening to me. I think I’m a minimalist, but I’m not. I’m a fraud, a hypocrite, a pretender. I don’t really care about simplicity or intentionality or authenticity. I just do it for the image, for the trend, for the attention. I’m not a minimalist, I’m a minimalist wannabe.
So there you have it, the top 10 reasons why I’m going insane. Maybe you can relate to some of them, or maybe you think I’m crazy. Either way, I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. And remember, minimalism is not for everyone, but it might be for you.