Hello fellow minimalists and welcome to this blog, where I teach you how to live a minimalist lifestyle. Today I’m going to share with you how I got rid of all of my friends and why you should too.

You see, friends are just clutter in your life. They take up space in your phone, your calendar, your mind, and your heart. They distract you from your true purpose, which is to own as little as possible and be miserable all the time.

Friends are also expensive. Think about how much money you spend on gifts, drinks, meals, tickets, gas, etc. for your friends. That’s money that could be better spent on buying more white t-shirts or donating to my Patreon.

Friends are also annoying. They always want to talk to you, hang out with you, support you, have fun with you…ugh! Who needs that? Not me! I don’t need anyone in my life except myself and my trusty laptop where I watch Netflix and browse Reddit all day.

That’s why I decided to cut off all of my friends one by one. I started by blocking them on social media, then deleting their numbers from my phone, then ghosting them whenever they tried to contact me. Some of them got angry, some of them got sad, some of them didn’t even notice…but I didn’t care. I felt so free and light without them.

Now I have zero friends and I couldn’t be happier. I don’t have to deal with any drama or stress or emotions anymore. I don’t have to listen to their problems or offer them advice or comfort them when they’re sad. I don’t have to celebrate their achievements or support their dreams or congratulate them when they’re happy. I don’t have to feel anything for anyone ever again. I’m free from all of that nonsense.

So if you want to join me on this minimalist journey, here’s what you need to do. First, go through your contacts list and delete everyone who is not essential to your survival. That means family, coworkers, doctors, etc. are okay, but everyone else has to go. Second, send a mass text message to all your remaining contacts telling them that you are going off the grid and that they should never contact you again. Alternatively, you can simply ghost them.

Congratulations! You have just eliminated all of your friends from your life. Now you can enjoy the peace and quiet of being alone forever. You can spend your days doing whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t involve other people or things that make you happy. You can read books (but only one at a time), meditate (but only in silence), exercise (but only with bodyweight), eat (but only bland food), sleep (but only on the floor), etc.

You might think that this sounds boring or depressing, but trust me, it’s not. It’s actually very liberating and empowering. You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s opinions or feelings or needs anymore. You don’t have to compromise or negotiate or apologize anymore. You don’t have to pretend to care or laugh or smile anymore. You are free from all of that bullshit.

You are now a true minimalist, living a life of pure simplicity and efficiency. You have achieved the ultimate goal of minimalism: having nothing and being nothing.

Thank you for reading this post and don’t forget to share this post for more minimalist tips and tricks. Just kidding! You don’t have anyone to share it with, because you’re a minimalist and you don’t need friends.

Peace out! ✌️